5 Ways to Avoid the Swine Flu

1.  Wash your hands often with soap or other people with soap. If they protest they probably have the swine flu.

2.  Use alcohol-based hand sanitizers. Do not used gravy-based sanitizers.

3.  Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in trash after you use it. Then throw that trashcan through a store window and take what you need. It's everyman for himself.

4.  Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way. Also avoid touching your privates. Sin is spread that way.

5.  Try to avoid close contact with sick people unless they are 'smoking hot' and you are into them. In which case, buy them a drink. Use some sort of line like, "We need to stay hydrated. Doctor's orders." But don't say it in a creepy way.